Jordan. Penn State.
The mouth of Hell is opened wide tonight.
I’ve lost the final piece of my peace of mind,
Shattered to fragments of a cruel design,
All inside me is stagnant, diseased,
Cast in to a pool of putridity,
The violence in my head, the callouses on my heart,
The sopping wet sinew, I’m a world apart,
I think of death saving me, waking me from this dream,
Nothing in this life has been what it seems,
I crave to be thought of and ne’er so alone,
I need somewhere to finally call home,
In dredges I walk, but sink ever still
Drowning in sludge, my lungs will fill,
And perhaps your name will be spoken upon my last breath,
When I finally die, I’ll finally have rest.
And in my rest, please pay me no mind,
Say no prayers, and never cry,
Forget my face, disregard my name,
I’m but an empty body floating in the bay.
Fearful to be alive,
I don’t understand much of anything,
I am one of my own kind,
Though extinct, bereft of everything,
No solace, no piece of peace here,
No instincts and no survival,
No existing, no revival,
I’m afraid of what comes next
Inasmuch as timing being vexed,
Every detail meaningless and complex
The panic attacks consuming the apex,
Life is a giant run-on sentence
Until “the end” as its suffix
Claims it’s penance.
It’s all rubbish.
I’m so angry at my decisions,
Furious with myself,
That it hasn’t stopped raining
In my own little hell.
Normally I like the gloom
But everything withers in time,
I spend so much energy on doom,
I forget to appreciate life.
The vermin harbouring nests
In my head, my brain, my thoughts,
Reflect dead eyes, searching for life,
Giving in to all that rots.
I can’t justify anything anymore,
And I’m confused, afraid, and weak.
(Source: , via bald--bitch)